I think i tore my cruciate ligament on tuesday. Again.
At least i think i heard that snapping sound, like one of those wide rubber bands, gone slightly soft under the influence of sun and time.

Ofcourse it wasn’t really my cruciate ligament at all. Just a piece of my thigh, held in place with a couple of screws through the bones.
It must be almost 5 years ago that they put that in, and everything was pretty good. The replacement ligament was always too long, and therefore not really a good replacement. But given the circumstances my knee was at least playing in the same league as ‘normal’. Until last tuesday that is.

This whole concept of not having a cruciate ligament is tiring. You see cruciate ligaments are not just cruciate, they’re pretty crucial too. So many small things are so much more difficult without one. At the moment I can’t really walk for more than 30 min. before my knee starts to ache, and stairs, hills and slopes are especially boring. I keep tensing all the muscles in the left leg to avoid the painful grazing of the patella cartilege that seems to be the result of casually overextending the joint while walking. And if I even think about turning my upper body while walking the pain is there almost instantly. And turning your head while walking is something you may not think about, but something most of us do a lot.

But mostly it’s annoying because i’ve done it all before. And it was dull, tough and ultimately not very succesful the first time round, but at least then i had a good story too tell, some free compassion to harvest and the minor excitement of a totally new, albeit fairly depressing experience. This time, i suspect, dull hard work is all i can expect. And i can’t even work mysellf up to becoming really depressed about it, or even really to feel sorry for myself. So where’s the fun in this, I ask?

Wednesday the 1st of october is my doctors appointment, and i hope to get some answers as to what’s actually wrong.